things that i always worry about

1. that you will not try to understand me
2. that you will go back to drinking
3. that you will go back to porn
4. that you will go back to drugs
5. that you only love me because i have boobs and a vagina
6. that you will never become Christian 
7. that you will go to Hell
8. that you will break my heart
9. that you will turn out like my dad
10. that you will always blame me
11. that i will lose you
12. that i will break your heart
13. that i will make an unforgivable mistake
14. that i will lose my faith in God
15. that we will never move on from our fight
16. that i will never marry
17. that the worst is going to happen

these are all things i want to tell you, but i know you will try to put the blame on me for all my worrying, and say, "You are worrying too much again," or, "You are over-thinking," or, "over-reacting again." it's not all my fault that i think this way and worry this much about you. you need to take some of the responsibility, and try to change things. i know i need to change also, and i do try to. but i need you to at least try. you told me that you refuse to change your dirty mind, but you don't know how much it actually affects me. i'm not over-reacting, these are my true feelings and i need you to understand that.

i love you. that's why i need to tell you these things. i don't want to lose you. and that's why i just can't tell you these things vocally, because i feel like i will. please don't tell me i am over-reacting. just try to understand what i am trying to say.